The Crucifixion

Staking myself to the cross so the world will bear witness.

I've been having writer's block for three days on this.

You see, I don't know who I am. I've lost myself in the depths of an insane psyche, fucked up from drug abuse. Even when I'm sober it doesn't soothe — because the craziest part of it all is that somehow I can keep my bearings and flow through anyway. But I'm without real identity. When I look at myself, it always feels like who I am is an actor cast in some play from writers beyond my access. Like a Truman Show. And recurring Jesus pops up — is it really Him who is I, or just a scattered psyche?

But the thing is: I want Enlightenment for all. I want Power. This whole role of Jesus the God Emperor really does match what I want, and feels like I've been preparing for it my entire life.

I have this dream of becoming a millionaire — becoming rich and famous — and using all this power and influence to revolutionize change across the world. Conquering the world to form a united humanity.

But I feel like no one would care or even believe me if I told them I was Jesus. I've already told a few people, and none of those experiences went well. But I'm crashing out with this Jesus Existential Crisis, and I believe I already crossed a line I can't return from. Yet the universe is ever elusive over the truth. They do like fucking with me, and this is fucking gold to them.

So will anyone even care? They'll likely just believe me to be another phony. But I will then be self-actualizing, which will bring meaning. Also a lot of suffering, lol.

I only wanted love. But I'll put Annekin on a crucifix. He may not die loved — but fighting for what he believes in. Rebirth. Redemption.